Saturday, May 16, 2009

I happen to like 8-year-old boys

There is an episode of friends where Joey and Chandler (and maybe the girls) make fun of Ross for the way that he flirts. He decides to *prove* to them that he can get any girl he wants, and uses the pizza delivery girl for his first test. His opening "line" is to tell her that he happens to like 8-year-old boys. Earlier she had mentioned she'd gotten a haircut and felt like it looked like an 8-year-old boys cut. Clearly, this is, in fact, not a good way to get a girl to like you. Suffice it to say that the whole interaction goes downhill from there.

I explain this story to say, I don't flirt. I'm not good at it. If I realize I'm doing it I would be likely to say things like Ross would say. So, I just don't. I tell people this. They don't believe me. Tonight, I have case in point.

Went to a wedding reception tonight for a family friend who is my age who I have known forever. It was 1030, I was tired from dancing and I do want to go to church tomorrow morning. I needed to get home to go to bed. As I was walking out of the building I saw "dad-figure" guy I know so I stepped over to say good night to him. There was a younger man standing next to dad-figure. I chatted dad-figure up a bit and told him a joke and he asked if my parents were still inside. I said yeah and started to tell him a story which included a mention of my mom sneaking out between the ceremony and reception to go to church. dad-figure asked if she was praying for my dad (her husband). I told him no, she was probably praying for me! He asked what for and I told him that she thinks I need a good man. dad-figure asks me something about it and I answer that they're hard to come by, or something to that effect. (as i type this out i realize this part of our conversation is a bit hazy) Now comes the important part ... are you paying attention?? younger-guy interjects and the conversation looks like this

YG 'what are you looking for??' in a quizzical tone.
me 'well, he's gotta be a church guy.'
YG 'and what else?'
me 'he's gotta make me laugh.'
YG (something like) 'it's hard to find a guy to make you laugh?'
me 'a church guy, around here, harder than you'd think!'

and dad-figure is talking to me again and i'm all distracted there chatting with him. And, being who I am, I start another story to do with my mom and church or something. A family walks out of the building and dad-figure starts talking to them, mid-way through a sentence of mine. Now I have finally gotten to a point where I don't take this personally, and I don't stand around waitingwaitingwaiting to finish my story. I simply move on to the next thing in my world and realize that maybe my story wasn't interesting or funny enough or maybe he was too many sheets to the wind to really appreciate it anyway.

So, I just give up and start walking away to my car. Smiling to myself because I've known dad-figure forever also and that's just how he is, and I'm tired and want to get my sweats on. Now, again, are you paying attention, 'cause here is the truly important thing for you to notice. As I'm walking away, a good 3-5 yards from dad-figure and young-guy, the young guy calls "Ma'am?" kinda loudly, so I turn to see if he's talking to me if I dropped something or who he's talking to. There is no other "ma'am" anywhere in the vicinity so I answer him "Yeah?" To which he says 'It was nice to meet you.' I think, remember that hazy recollection earlier, that I said 'yeah, you too!' and kept right on walking. Smiling, but clearly walking away.

As I'm driving home I'm pondering how amusing and interesting it would be to have met someone special right there. And what a hard road he could potentially have trying to get in touch with me. My parents are in there, but he'd have to have been hit pretty deep by cupid's arrow to go to them right away. There are a number of people who know exactly who I am, but I don't think ANY of them know my number or how else to get ahold of me. One of them is a friend on facebook, so she might be able to get us in touch. But, to find her or get someone else to find me and get him contact info, would take some serious work and effort on his part. Now, to be honest, that is absolutely perfectly wonderfully fine for me, if he's gotta get through a few hoops to even ask me out. Also, I fully realize that it is entirely possible he was just curious, possibly a tad tipsy, possibly he has a mental disorder that makes it impossible for him to not ask questions that occur to him at the exact moment they do occur to him. I dunno. I just drove home amused by the whole thing.

Now, here is the reason I told you this whole Ross-flirting story. I get home, get some chai tea ready, get my pj's on, and get ready to wash my face and suddenly, it dawns on me ...
I should have introduced myself!!!
Either when we first started chatting with dad-figure or especially after he called out halfway across the parking lot just to say it was nice to meet me!! d'oh!! I am so incredibly oblivious sometimes!! Then I wonder if it appeared I was 'running' away or anything, would that deter him, will he talk to anyone inside, etc etc etc. Also, I should have elaborated more during the first whole conversation!!

And all the while I realize a few things. 1) If I was truly so compelling from the start, then my walking away shouldn't deter him all that much from trying to figure out who I am and how to get a hold of me. 2) If he isn't truly interested, then my walking away is to my benefit. 3) I am ridiculous and over think the vast majority of things going on around me. but at least 4) they make amusing fodder for my blog and for you to read.

All in all, this birthday wasn't bad at all. I never dreamt that 31 would actually be harder than 30 but somehow 31 feels older. I feel like I qualify for a different 'group' or something. Like I couldn't date a 28 year old anymore or something. Which is a bizarre thing to think. But, like I said, all in all this has ended pretty well. And there haven't even been presents yet!!! Presents will come tomorrow.


  1. Yes, but wasn't it nice not to worry while you were talking? Glad you had fun!

  2. OMGoodness! I almost had to give blood in order to post that comment. After all that I wish I had left a better one.

  3. I found 31 harder than 30 too. I guess maybe 30 still felt borderline, but 31 is real, honest to goodness 30s. And I, too, am totally inept at flirting and tend to miss if anybody is trying to flirt with me. I guess I just always assume that nobody is. Maybe we can both try to pay better attention. After all, who wouldn't want to flirt with US?

  4. i'm almost afraid to try this after the mom walds place comment; i hate giving blood... i, too, am glad you had fun, and i, too, wish i could think of a better comment to leave. but at least you know i'm a fairly faithful reader!

  5. even though, i now see, you can't tell who i am!