All of that to say that last Saturday I had decided to try a different route. One that did not involve a hill which requires me to consider whether or not to take my life in my own hands and hope for the best. This route was thus longer. A mile or two probably, although I will be the first to tell you my spatial reasoning abilities are sorely lacking. I can tell you how much postage to put on any given envelope, but I can't tell you how far it is to the post office.
It was a Saturday, which meant I had spent the morning consuming coffee, and I think a Kwik Trip muffin. Possibly a Fruit n Grain bar before I left. Not a whole lotta nutrition, and a whole lotta stomach-upsetting-items.
8-10 blocks from home I start thinking "I don't feel very good. My stomach is feelin icky."
A few more blocks and I'm thinking "Maybe I'll go back to my original 8ish mile ride instead of anything longer."
Another block and I'm thinking about cutting my ride in half by cutting a left and hooking onto my trail over halfway through my usual ride.
And at this point it occurs to me "You never finish anything!!!"
And I don't. We took this handy personality test at church once a few years back, according to that, I am an Otter. One of the hallmarks of an otter is that they are the social butterfly, fun-to-be-had-i'm-there, I know everyone! person(s) in your life. The downfall of an Otter is that we get bored very easily and thus, seldom finish projects. Now at the time we took this test I was quite proud of myself because I could say "Well, God and I already got that all figured out! I simply don't start the project to begin with! I just daydream about it until the urge fades and move on to the next dream!!"
I realized on this ride ... that is not anything to be remotely proud of. Because on the rare occasion that I do, in fact, decide to actually accomplish something, whenever I quit becomes "close enough" for me.
And I quit.
I get a couple of fitness magazines. I earned free subscriptions online ... get this, by redeeming MyCokeRewards points! And those i get from drinking full-sugared Coca-Cola!! I find that deeply ironic and endlessly amusing. But I digress, for the purpose of amusement, but digression still.
I got the magazines in the hopes that they would help inspire me and motivate me. Because I get bored so easily I have never been able to stick to any form of an at-home work out plan. So, I thought these magazines would have different plans all the time and I could just do whatever the workout is in whichever magazine I prefer that month. I have had a poster for a beach-body workout on top of my TV for 6+ weeks. Not that I expect to ever have a beach-body, but that is definitely a digression worthy of it's own post!
I did the work out last week Thursday for the first time. I did two of the 7 moves and "decided" that it was enough. I got into the kitchen and started putting together my lunch and thought "You, never finish anything!" I didn't like that feeling. I didn't like that idea at all. I hated it even more because I then added, "For pete's sake, you're 31-years-old, and you give up so easily!" So, I went back to the poster and did the 3 others I could do. One of them was truly impossible given the precarious state of my ankle at this time, but that was a sincere concern against real and potentially permanent and expensive injury.
Can you imagine how much better I felt knowing that I truly had done almost an entire workout! Just for me! Just for my own health and mental wellness! Just because I had decided I desired to do one!!
Back to the bike ride. I am at this "Maybe I'll cut my ride short ..." moment and have that thought all over again. "You never finish anything!" And I think, "No, I'm not pukey, I'm not going to faint or pass out. You are doing what you set out to do!"
And I did. I took a beautiful ride, half in town, half on our lovely trail. I thoroughly enjoyed the breeze and the sunshine. I was amused significantly at the many people I passed and their smile/not smile responses.
And I was proud of myself. I am 31-years-old and I am finishing things. I am starting things that stretch me, and I finish them. Or I give them true and honest, sincere effort and get close to finishing. I'm incredibly sad that it has taken me until 31 to do so, but I did.
And I made a new friend!!
Hello, my name is Pee-tah.
This is my friend, Lou-ee. He's a cardinal.
Did you hear that???
No, seriously, I heard something.
Okay, a little snack for the trip back home.