Saturday, October 31, 2009

A Good Measure

Luke 6:38 (New International Version)
38Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

I got to experience that tonight. Poured into for pouring out.

We hosted a young people (20something ish) group at church tonight. I went as part of the kitchen crew for my church. Technically I don't qualify since the age range I was given was 18-30 and I passed 30 a few months back. But I went to serve one of the most wonderful, amazing ladies we have at our church. And to simply serve. And to do something I considered productive tonight.

I simply went as a servant to (basically) whomever needed me. To be honest, that level of servanthood is not my 'default.' But when I know that is my purpose and goal in the situation I can do it quite well. So I served Kay. And I tried to serve Deb and Susi.

And the group. I welcomed people a bit and directed them towards our food and pointed out the bathrooms. I helped direct/explain the food as they went through the line. I helped set up the food room. I served.

Then the group officially started. I checked in with the kitchen and the ladies were doing well without me so I joined the worship song time. It was lovely. It was fulfilling and beautiful and awe-filling. It was just perfectly, exactly what I needed. I won't be able to attend church tomorrow as I will be helping a friend with wedding plans for her wedding next Saturday. So, this time of worship was just Divinely Perfect.

I ended up simply joining the group and being a part of them. Games played, ideas discussed a little, message relayed and received. All in all a good night.

We had a bonfire, which had mostly burned out by the time I could get outside. But there was still enough to thoroughly enjoy. So, I did. I borrowed a coat and stood by the fire and pondered the new and fresh fullness in my chest.

I tweeted:
I am standing alone next to a fading bonfire in a borrowed coat, no costume, admiring the blue and green flames, and i am happy. =D

That's how full I was. I needed to share. Then i texted it to a few friends I thought might still be up. And I pondered. I realized something ...
but, let me back up.

I am single. I don't prefer this state. I have had one of the hardest months (6 weeks?) of my life and am barely coming out the other side of it. I told a few different friends during that time, and possibly before, that I am at the edge of giving up hope of finding a good man. Simply because 1) the odds are stacked against me in so many ways and 2) I wonder if it would hurt less to give up the hope than to keep hoping and being perpetually disappointed. Most of those friends were pretty encouraging, none of them recommended I go forward with my 'giving up hope' plan, but they had varying degrees of 'keep the hope' sentiments.

Two weeks ago I kinda sorta met a guy who could have good potential. (waaaaaaay long story that is simply not worth getting into at this point). Tonight I met another guy and this one I actually had a conversation with.(!!!) I gave him directions to the interstate and gave him my phone # so he could call if he got off track or anything. Even more potential there. But the first guy also knows multiple ways to track me down, in a good way, I promise! Anyway,

As I sat by the fire I prayed what I pretty much always pray when I meet a guy I am or could be interested in.

"Lord, do as you wish. You put a fire under his backside to get to know me. You do as you wish in this situation. Protect me from myself."

And as I prayed that and pondered the fire and sang a chorus repeatedly in my head and also out loud I thought

"He is doing something in me. Regardless of either of these guys. God is absolutely certain what He is doing in my life. He has a plan and he has not given up on me."

And I was just so full. If you've never experienced that sort of Divine Perfection from God, then I recommend you find a way to get there. It is definitively an experience beyond words. Even attempting to express it here feels incomplete.

As much as I remain a "Not Internally Motivated" person, He can motivate me. He can change me. He can help change my habits. He can teach me how to be different. He loves me regardless of all of that. Tonight, I will wallow in that.

That and gaining an hour that means I won't get up while it's still freakin dark outside anymore.

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