I have said it before, I am about to say it again, and prove it too.
I do not flirt well.
Remember Ross? on Friends? Remember the Pizza Girl?
If not, just remember Ross, that'll get you close enough. (There was a video on youtube at one point, and i had put it on my old blog on MSN, but one day I went back to watch it again and laugh and enjoy, and some network muckety muck had gotten it removed. :( )
I tell these stories, and there is always a new person that I suspect doesn't believe I'm truly that bad. To their credit I am fairly crazy to begin with. And as one who considers Extrovert to be an Extreme Sport worthy of Olympic candidacy, I can see how you might doubt my utter lack of anything remotely resembling "prowess" when faced with the opposite sex.
Doubt no longer.
(Hopefully won't give any privacy stuff away)
Wednesday I had to call an insured who had missed a payment and was going to get cancelled. It's a service we do. You miss your payment, I get a notice, I call you to remind you. Only had one person in 2 years get UPSET with me for calling to reminder her of a payment. But we're not talking about her. We're talking about CuteSingleDad who purchased a house awhile back. He didn't pay his bill. So, I called, because it's my job!
Friday afternoon he comes in and I say "CuteSingleDad, you brought me money!"
He responds "Yes, because you called me. But, ya know, that's the only reason you ever call, when you want money. You never call just to see how things are going!"
Me, "Well, I'm not sure how appropriate that would be."
Him, looks at my hands "Well, you're not married are ya?"
Me .... (ready for Stupid Moment #1???) Look down at my hands!!! As if I'm going to be surprised by some fantastic diamond and say "Well, oh, my, look at that, apparently I am married! I'll have to check into that!!" Seriously ... why would I look at my hands! I've worn the same two rings for a year and a half!! And then I say "No, I'm not married" I'm rather certain there was a fair amount of scoff in my voice when I said it, but he let that slide.
Him, "Well, I'm not married either. So, there's nothing inappropriate about it."
Then he continues "Ok, so who do I write this check out to? You? Kristine? What's your last name?"
And .... are we ready for Stupid Moment #2?? And I mean SERIOUSLY STUPID MOMENT!!!
My response? To "What's your last name?" Are you ready??
"Webster ... with a 'W' "
Yep. That's what I said. (sigh)
I did sort of almost possibly salvage it, because I did realize within a second or so how incredibly moronic that sounded. And I said something in the effect of "Although that's kind of obvious, the more important is that it's Kristine with a K." Which I now realize is why I said it that way. I always say "Kristine with a K." So in skipping my first name I still defaulted into my habitual response. (SIGH)
Maybe he thought it was funny. Maybe he knows I think he's cute and finds it amusing to toy with me. Maybe he thinks I'm an idiot and is still trying to figure out how I keep my job.
If he should ever run across this, you'll probably know right away who you are. You can ask me out, I can tell you in advance, I'll say yes. to Coffee or dinner or lunch or something with your beautiful daughter. I can guarantee the first Yes. After that it's all going to be based on your character and whether or not you laugh at the rest of my jokes. Like the time I got lost on a walk within a mile of my own house in a city I was born and raised in and lived all but 18 months of my life in. yeah, that's a good one.
(Oh, and you get the candy of your choice if you can name the movie I got my title from)