Most of us have heard someone somewhere say
Be Careful What You Ask For!
Because You Just Might Get It!
Well I had that moment tonight. And for the first time I can remember, ever, I didn't freak out and get angry etc.
I have been on this Made to Crave journey since about the start of the year. I started the year at a weight of 211. I am still working on not letting this define my worth, better than I was Jan 1, but not quite got it down yet. Anyway.
I weighed 197.5 last week. on the one hand that is more than a couple of pounds. I have lost them slowly but steadily, and even My Father's Funeral didn't derail me! So I am feeling pretty good about it. But on the other hand, at 5'2" that leaves a minimum of 60 pounds left to lose if I want to get to a truly healthy BMI and hit any sort of acceptable range on anyone's height to weight ratio chart.
Now that it's finally (sorta) gotten nice in Wisconsin I have been trying to be active. And, again, for the first time, possibly ever, I am doing it for the right reasons. It makes me feel better (there will be a post about how exercise apparently can actually help depression, but that is for another day). It accelerates my weight loss. It gives me something to do. Somehow even a walk will get out some aggression for me and cycling gives me a peace and contentment and freedom I don't get anywhere else. Not to mention the challenge!
My Mom and Sister and I are going to be seeing family Memorial Day Weekend. And earlier this week, probably right before we went to Olive Garden for my birthday, I thought
Wouldn't it be cool if I could say I lost 20 pounds since the start of the year?!?
And then I calculated that out. Yes, I have to think for much too long figuring this stuff out. Subtraction is not my forte and these are not multiples of 2 or 5. Once I was done with the calculating, which to be honest felt a bit like I imagine calculus would fee, I realized I'd have to basically lose 6 pounds in two weeks. Then I thoroughly enjoyed my Olive Garden supper with the Fam. Mind you, I did not overeat, I did not stuff myself silly. I did have a few more carbs than was "best" perhaps, but I had salad and tried to balance those carbs with chicken. Chicken, I might add, which was DEE LISH US!!
(possibly) Needless to say, I have not lost any weight this week. Which is truly not a huge deal to me. It would have just been cool to be able to say that. Which also assumes anyone would even notice or say anything, since most of them just saw me 6 weeks before. It still gives me a kick to think about when I can say that.
All of that story to tell you this story.
Tonight I went on a bike ride. Last night I walked and oh! my! gawd! I hurt so bad when I got home I decided that as long as it wasn't raining or something today I was biking. Got home from work, reloaded my mp3 player and hit the road. I had pondered the route I thought I wanted to take on my way home and started out that path.
The thing is ... Janesville sits on a hill. Actually it sits across a hill. Basically one half of the town is on the top of the hill and the other side of town is at the bottom of the hill. Which effectively means that no matter which way you ride you have to go up or down a fairly significant hill. There are some ways around this, but you really have to think about it ahead of time and plan out which hill you want to come back up on your way home. Well .... I have to figure that out because I live in the top of the hill part.
I had figured out what route I thought I wanted to take and headed out. One of the first things I do is go down a steady but not super steep hill. So it's a great way to start. Then I hit a few spots here and there where there is the slightest incline and I have to pedal to keep going. I met up with the bike trail that runs through town and was debating walking my bike up this super steep hill and heading towards home, or continuing on the path a bit and taking a slightly longer route home. The bike path has a water fountain at one point and I was PARCHED. So I decided to go find the bubbler and then decide. The bubbler was much closer to continuing the longer ride than going backwards.
(If you don't know this about me, I don't like to backtrack. At all. Ever. For any reason. I will reroute myself going to or from a place just so I don't have to backtrack. Don't ask me why, I don't know.)
I un-parched myself and kept riding. Somewhere on the bike path it had gotten really hard and wearing to ride and I couldn't figure out why. Then suddenly it dawned on me that it was because there was a wind. Not a huge crazy wind, but a little more than a light breeze.
Enough to create resistance.
For a moment I dropped into old habits.
"Really God? Really?! Wind? Right now? Seriously?!?"
And just as quickly as those old tapes went through my head I realized the resistance was a gift. I want to lose 6 pounds (and yes I do consciously realize that is an absurd goal) in the next week and a half ... what better way to do that than with a more intense work out!!
I couldn't quite get to a point of Praising God in the "storm" but I was definitely singing along to the songs on my mp3 player. I definitely didn't have the pity part, super angry, stop-testing-me-God-because-I-will-always-fail argument with him. I did, sorta, thank Him for the resistance and the better workout.
(insert infomercial voice here) BUT WAIT!!!
Then I got home. And calculated out the distance of my ride. I had mentally clocked it around 5-6 miles. I try to be realistic and I probably under calculate because I am fully aware that spacial reasoning is not my strong suit. But if I'm on the bike trail, a lot of that isn't even on maps, so it's hard to calculate out the true distance of a ride.
Today's ride was all on city streets, or right next to them.
I RODE 9.4 MILES Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was STUNNED. 9 miles?!?!? And I didn't die!?!?! And I didn't think I was going to die?!?!?
That in and of itself is a feat. I am not quite feeling proud, but I am feeling very good about my night. Thanking God for Resistance tonight.
Here is my route if you want to know where exactly I went.
And here is my playlist if you didn't hit play above and wanna hear them now.