I have realized something these last few months. I don't like empty space. At all. Anywhere. Except maybe my shower I suppose. And my fridge.
So I fill up my spaces.
My desk has a box of receipts I haven't touched except to add to it in months. It has a stack of papers on top and below that. To the other side is an organizer for holding file folders that I have full of binders and regular folders. I have the front of my desk full of stuff. Every available surface has SOMETHING on it. Even my entryway, which is lined with shelving type things, has to be filled closer to the middle of the room, so I dump my bags etc when I walk in to fill up that space.
I honestly have no idea where this comes from. But it worries me.
Because I can't stand empty space in my mind either.
Or in my calendar.
Or in my to-do list (which sounds counterintuitive I know, but it makes sense to me).
Or in the sound waves around me, I always want some sort of noise.
Or on my computer, I can't stand sitting and waiting for something to load, I have to click over to something else while i wait.
I always take a book and/or magazine and/or project with me when I go places. Just in case I end up with a few minutes of unfilled time.
Since I can't stand empty space I have a hard time cleaning, because it intentionally leaves empty space behind.
I know, it sounds like a cop out, right? And yes, I will admit, sometimes I let that be an excuse for allowing myself to continue being a slob. But, there is a hint of OCD type anxiety about it too.
Last Night I finally cleaned off the top of my grandmother's curio cabinet that I inherited a couple years ago. It has been accumulating stuff for at least a year. When I first moved into this apartment I put some cute fruit candle holders up there and maybe my black coffee cup rack thing and slowly it has accumulated more. And more. And More.
On the one hand it's handy to only be 5'2" because I don't really notice what's going on up there very often. It's just above my eye level so unless I'm reaching up there for something, I often don't notice. Same for the top of the fridge.
But on the other hand, since I rarely notice it; It doesn't even bother me all that much.
What does that say about me? I'm clearly not Empty Headed, right?