Tuesday, October 11, 2011

~day 11~ Comfortable

I am 33 years old.  Almost 33 1/2.  I lost 21 pounds so far this year, which puts me a bit under 200.  At 5'2" that's not a healthy BMI.  I have dated 4 men in significant, long-term committed relationships since I was 15.  They weren't necessarily the "best" choice for me, but that's what hindsight gives you.  I was almost scary thin for the first two and had rounded out just a little for the 3rd.  Then I went almost 3 years being single and put on not just a Freshman 15, but a Freshman 40.  That's right, 40 pounds first semester of my freshman year.  Which I never lost. And that was 20-30 pounds ago.  But after putting on that weight I met a guy and we dated and we ended up being together for 2 1/2 years.  He never had much of any problem with my weight.  (There are things that can be said and stories that can be told, but ultimately he was never mean or cruel about it).

I have always been the one with the problem about my weight.  I have been told that I have very nice characteristics and features and at least a couple of very nice "parts" that can attract the right kind of man.  So it is odd to me that I still think of myself as too fat to be attractive.  That I still worry that if or when a man asks me out that I will worry it is some sort of dare and I will end up humiliated.  Because the thing is, I really am pretty comfortable in my skin.  I love my backside, I love my hair, my eyes are beautiful and I have a fantastic mouth.  I have strong and shapely legs.  And, none of that accounts for my personality or character.  I am just recently coming around to agreeing with my friends that i am kind of a catch.  (Don't get me wrong, I got all kinds of crazy going on over here, but a few of you have assured me that we're all a bit crazy and I'm not *that* far off the reservation).

The weird thing is, when I'm alone, I'm very comfortable in my skin.  I am reasonably sure that once I am in a significant, committed relationship I will be even more comfortable in my skin and even become quite confident in my self.  So, it's funny to me to recognize that I am 33 and just now finally getting comfortable in my temple I inhabit.  To truly acknowledge that the only "part" of my body I don't like is my santa belly.  And even that I can reason will make a great pillow for movie watching for the right man some day. (think Aaron Rodgers likes movies??)

So, today, hope is being comfortable in my skin.  Hope is adoring the sound of my high heels click clacking around my world.  Hope is focusing on my beautiful eyes in the mirror and not the bags underneath.  Hope is appreciating my very sexy legs that work so very hard to hold me up and keep me moving.  Hope is acknowledging that it truly takes all kinds and there is a lid for every pot.

1 comment:

  1. I love that you can freely and openly state the parts of your body that you love about yourself. I'm 30 and it's a GIANT battle for me to say anything like that for myself, much less be really and truly comfortable in my own skin - I'm just not. I hate my overweightness and it's hard to not take that out on my body. I admire you for being able to look at yourself with such a kind perspective.

    And you're right - there is a lid for every pot. My husband happens to think I'm a supermodel and he isn't turned off by my weight either. Just so you know. (o;