Saturday, October 15, 2011

~day 15~ Hope is trust

I have a few ideas for other things to write about hope, but none of them seemed to really fit for my mood tonite.  Then I thought for a second about what an odd thing it is to blog.  What a strange thing it is to write out your feelings, your deepest desires, weirdest secrets and rawest parts of your soul and not only expect people to read it, but expect them to handle you with care.  Some of us blog about some pretty heavy stuff.  We don't have to.  We could all write about Pinterest and cool stuff on Etsy.  We could write about the funny thing our kid just said, crazy thing our dad just said or that wax figure of Wayne Newton I swear was in the minivan that just drove past me.  We could choose to stay on the surface.  We could choose to stay safe.

But for some of us, that isn't an option.  Writing is a purge.  It's an impulse that we can't ignore.  It's like runners or cyclists who say that if they go too long between workouts they get twitchy.  It has taken me awhile to get here in life, but I like who I am.  I like my heart and my personality (mostly).  I like my ministries and my peeps.  I like how I inhabit this world and who I choose to spend my time with.  It has been a desire of mine for over half my life to be real. Authentic. Genuine. Whatever word you want to use for that, since some of those words have become so cliche.  When you meet me, I am who I am.  I don't hold back. I don't pull punches.  I am kind and sympathetic, but if you hit one of my hot buttons, I will speak my mind.  So, I am not capable of posting something here that doesn't line up with who I am.  More importantly, I can't post something that isn't true of where I'm at in life at that moment. I can't pretend I'm doing peachy keen if I'm sobbing my guts out about my dad.  I can't fake Life is Great if I want to punch something because another person I know on facebook got married and they are another one of those people that truly make me wonder what in God's name is wrong with me that they can find someone but I can't even get a decent date!  I can't fake it.  I won't.

So I trust.  I write my heart. I articulate my soul. I trust that you won't trample on it. Or shatter it.  Or attack me.  I trust that you will handle me with care.  I trust that even if you've never met me, that you will want good things for me.  That you will want me to be better, to heal, to grow in character and faith.  I trust that writing and sharing will do you more good than it will harm me.  So far, it has.  I thank you for being readers I can trust to care for me as my dearest friends do.

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