" I Did It! "

At the beginning of every year, I set goals. I sit down sometime in January and I ponder the things I'd like to accomplish that year. I put it down in writing. I keep those lists. I write things that *I* would like to do. I write things I *believe* God wants me to do or is willing to help/allow me to do. I write things that are within the realm of plausability for me. I do not put things like Learn to play Mozart's something or other whatever concerto in J. I know better. I might have some latent musical ability, but I am certain I will NOT accomplish that particular steepness of goal in 12 months.

for the last two years, at minimum, I have written something about

-budgeting wisely
-losing weight / getting healthy (which is really just a euphemism for Get Skinny!)
- Working on my writing
- working on my photography
- memorizing scripture
- reading more non-fiction, including more of the bible

And each year I look towards the next year and think
"I've barely touched any of those!"

This year is no different. Although I did do some work with the writing there, it will remain on the upcoming list since I have set a new Big Hairy Audacious goal for 2010 in terms of book writing. The rest though .... are a sad statement of the life I choose to live. I am budgeting better than I used to, but I still have very little to my name that I can be proud of. I weigh more now than I have in quite a few years, possibly the all time high, but I quit weighing myself in May, so I'm not certain where that particular number falls right now. I tried to do one thing with my photography and that went nowhere, so, as per my usual, I gave it up and 'watched' for another opportunity, i.e. do NOTHING. I memorized a couple of scriptures just here at the end of the year. I don't read anything but facebook, blogs, and novels. I just don't. I overanalyze and overintellectualize it and just never get anywhere.

Yesterday I got my Self magazine (free with purchase of enough Coke to generate 260ish points on mycokerewards.com.) And the opening editorial is "I Did It" and is talking about making your resolutions for 2010. Not putting things off or simply wallowing or lamenting that you didn't do them this last year. Look Forward! So I started to. And it started dawning on me that the top 3 things on my list remain the same as last year .... and only ONE of them got ANY work at all this year. :(

I pondered a bit and considered what that might mean and I suddenly realized something. Allow me to back up one step. I set Goals for each year because I do not believe in resolutions. resolutions, by definition are something you declare to accomplish, nearly always, in your own power. I believe I'm nearly powerless to accomplish much of anything if left to my own devices. An unhealthy amount of sleep, facebook and food would be the only "accomplishments" I could count on.

So it dawns on me, as I'm pondering Goals For 2010 ... that I'm painting a donkey to look like a zebra. Plain and simple. It's the same thing!!! I'm just 'deciding' that they are goals and therefore can receive God's blessing. But the thing is ...

I've never truly consulted HIM on what HIS goals for my next year are. Yeah, maybe I put in a small bit of effort, but even that primarily consisted of "Well, I'd really like my writing to go somewhere, and I have a gift for that (right?) so on the list it goes cause the gift obviously came from you so .... (scribble scribble scribble)." And, of course, on that list above is scripture memorizing. To just be brutal with myself, and with you, that was another (very transparent) way of trying to get God to approve MY other goals. Sort of a One for You, Two for Me, thing.

Clearly this has worked fantastically for me thus far.

This year, we're going to try something different. I'm going to draw a line down the middle of a page in my journal and I'm going to list the things I, myself, in my own imaginations and desires, want to accomplish in 2010 and on the other side I'm going to list those things that I believe God wishes me to accomplish in 2010. We'll see how dissimilar the lists are, and then I'll (hopefully) start focusing my energies on the things that overlap.

Now .... gotta get working on finishing that NaNo novel .... set a goal to finish it by the end of the year .... I'm like 5% there maybe ....