I'm not tough

(boys, you may want to move along now. Don't say I didn't warn you.)

I'm really not. Some would beg to differ. They probably aren't reading this blog anyway.

Sure I'm strong. I'm independent. I can hold my feelings in fairly well if the situation warrants it. I have a decent poker face when faced with crappy situations I don't like or can't do anything about. But when the chips hit the fan, I'm not that tough.

A year or two ago I read this book. Skinny B---h, about how to lose weight and not be a sissy about it etc. I picked it up at Barnes and Noble and started reading and just really liked their style of 'speaking' to you. So I bought it. One of the few books I've ever bought that I truly regretted buying. I barely made it one chapter past my stopping point and suddenly didn't like the book anymore. Nowhere does it indicate to you that they are vegans. If you don't happen to know, a vegan does not consume any animal product OR byproduct. No meats, no cheese, no dairy, no eggs .... and nothing made with any of those either. To make matters worse, they tell these absolutely terrifyingly graphic horror stories of what happens in slaughterhouses. Clearly designed to shock you into agreement. Although, all it really did for me was want to multilate (in the same form or fashion) the workers who DID the horrifyingly graphic things to the poor animals. Because, really, what kind of person do you have to be to get any form of pleasure from torturing an innocent animal?? As always, i digress.

One of the things they talked about was to give up over the counter medications. Stop taking tylenol for headaches. Stop taking midol for cramps etc. Pain is your body's way of talking to you, you just need to listen. And, then they said "Cramps are your body's way of preparing you for childbirth later on." And I scoffed. First and foremost, even then, I wasn't entirely sure I was even having kids. I've told friends, if I truly knew for certain I'd never get married or just never have kids, I would fine some doctor somewhere who would get those 'bits' out for me. They all disagree, but they have not truly met the force of my will. I'd consider going overseas. So, i really didn't like their idea that cramps were supposed to be preparing me for a future I wasn't even sure was EVER going to appear. Second, I believe that God himself gave us the technology and ingenuity and intelligence to make the drugs. And, that all things in moderation are fine. So, the idea of swearing off all tylenol and then being miserable at work for a day or two (yes, praise God my worse cramps are only a day or two), just did not make any sense to me.

Yesterday Aunt Flow showed up. A day after I had gotten the flu and was home sick. Excellent timing, as usual. Wasn't too terrible. Took a bit o' tylenol overnight and I think maybe something in the morning. Thought about reloading after lunch and decided to Rely on God to get me through the afternoon. Just one of those weird, random moments where you feel Him kind of poke you and say 'Hey, can I take this one?' So I did. And I made it through the night no problem. AND, much more importantly, I did ALL my dishes, did a calendar on shutterfly, wrote about half of a short story, and finished the book i was reading. All of that unmedicated.

Now I did take some Tylenol PM last night because, for whatever ridiculous reason, I can't sleep when Aunt Flow is in for a visit. But I was feeling good this morning so I didn't take anything. By lunchtime the cramps were irritating. And, right now especially, I don't need any extra irritations at work. On my way home for lunch I'm pondering all of this. And I think to myself:

I'm not tough. Why am I trying to tough this out? What good is it doing anyone? I didn't get another poke this morning from God. Just take the friggin meds. 1) no one will ever know and 2) that's what they're there for!

So, now i'm home on lunch. Nothing sounds good food wise, so I'm snacking on saltines. And the meds are happily being digested as I type. The afternoon should be just fine. And there will be custard tonight. I'm not too tough to admit I want custard. Sweet, creamy, chocolatey lovely custard is just what these cramps ordered. They'll get tylenol in the meantime, but they'll get their way eventually.