disillusionment

A couple of weekends ago I had what I would have previously described as The Perfect Weekend.

Plans with some girlfriends on Friday immed after work.
No plans at all Saturday.
Intended church on Sunday and possibly see the family.

Little to nothing. Adhering quite nicely to my weekend motto

Do as little as possible,
for as long as possible.

I am now disillusioned.

I went out with the girls on friday. And we had fun. But I was so stinkin tired from not sleeping well all week (see any previous posts re ongoing issues with insomnia & simple lack of discipline to get to bed at anything close to a reasonable time), that we all ended up leaving around 10:30! Which was kind of fine, cause I went home and watched an episode of two of Bones. Which I had just recently purchased 2 seasons for only $35 at the local mart. Yay for cheap tv dvds!!!

Saturday I slept til my usual time and made chocolate truffle coffee when I got up. Sipped on that, checked into my Restaurant on facebook. And settled in to watch .... a few more episodes of Bones. I refilled my coffee a few times, had a snack or two, pottied a few times, and effectively did not surface for air until about 6 pm.

I showered, threw on some clean(er) lounging clothes, and headed across the hall to the neighbors with baked chicken in hand to hang out with them. Watched an olderish B-rated movie and a couple episodes of Will & Grace. My other new addiction. Came home at a decent-ish time and I think I finished out season 1 of Bones. Went to bed probably in the midnight to 1:00 am range.

Decided when I did finally get to bed that I was not, in fact, going to make it to church. Justifying to myself that my rest and being a semi-sane individual during my 40 hour work week is clearly more important than all the intangible benefits I refuse to list out, because I refuse to see them, I would get from attending my church.

What did I do instead you ask?

I'll let you guess.

Go ahead, guess.

Yep, more Bones. Started Season 2.

And for the life of me, I can't remember anything at all from the whole of that day. I can't recall if I visited my neighbors. I can't recall if I visited my parents. I can't recall if I ate! Although I assume I did the last one.

Before that weekend, I would have described that as The Perfect Weekend. Or nearly so. Possibly with the parents thrown in for Sunday night supper. And the benefits of church, especially if I could achieve those without the early rising time required.

I repeat,
I am now disillusioned.

I was so lonely and depressed and riddled with inexplicable anxiety and just kind of crawling out of my skin on Sunday nite, that I realized, maybe that isn't truly The Perfect Weekend!

Maybe I need to intentionally plan a few more items with people whose company I enjoy. People who make me feel good about who I am. Who make me feel hopeful about what i might have to offer this world. People who make me laugh, and enjoy my stories. People who do not have some sort of agenda.

That is my new plan/goal for my weekends. The motto above still stands,

Do as little as possible,
for as long as possible.

But only for Saturday mornings. Once I've passed the noon or 1:00 range, I need to get moving and seeing other human beings face to face, in reality. TV doesn't count.

Sigh

sucks to have your hopes, and dreams and wishes fulfilled only to realize you were looking for the wrong thing!