As a logophile I have a hard time not using accurate words. I struggle, especially in fiction writing, to find the truest word to convey what I mean (even there, I almost used imply, but that isn't quite the same as convey is it?) I sometimes get stuck while writing trying to figure out the word I am actually looking for. Tonite I'm tired. beyond tired. I'd like to say exhausted, but that sounds a little too harsh compared to what the rest of the world will face tonite.
So, tonite, I am not going to look up the definitions of the title words, I'm not going to figure out which one is more appropriate and accurate. I'm not going to figure out how to work each of them into this post in a pleasing and lyrical way. I'm too tired.
But tonite I will say that Hope is continuing on. Hope is forcing yourself to do that thing you agreed to even though you *really* want to just give up and go to bed already. Hope is being honest with yourself and recognizing that you could have written this post over an hour ago, but instead you started playing facebook games. Hope is extending yourself grace. Grace that says I don't have it all together, I don't even have most of it together, but I'm going to write what I know to be true. I'm going to write what I can tonite and length doesn't matter, profundity doesn't even really matter. It's the principle of the writing that matters.
Maybe all this is to prepare me to go to town on my novel for NaNoWriMo, Oblivion. Maybe all this is to help me see the roses rather than the weeds. Maybe all this is to help me get through this month, this month of Daddy's birthday and the 6 month-versary of his death. Maybe this is to help some of you see hope where you didn't recognize it before. Again, maybe it's just the principle. Following through on something I decided to do. Something I chose to do. Something i knew would be a stretch for me, but also be very good for me.
Tonite Hope is persistence in posting. Hope is perseverance in writing. Hope is tenacity in .... continuing to fight to find the right word, and even the write setting for that word.
What is hope to you tonite?
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