Last night I visited a friend and her family. We sat around a dining room table and ate and laughed. And then laughed some more. I don't recall what it was, but I told a joke or a story or someone said something and my friend and I laughed so hard I snorted. I don't do that very often. I laugh a lot. I laugh wheezy breathy laughs. I laugh loud guffaws. I rarely snort.
Today a good friend got married. Being older than her and still single combined with this being the first wedding since my dad died I really didn't know how I would handle it. There were a couple of rough moments for me, but a lot of laughs too. I sat next to a wonderful friend and her family and we chatted and laughed at little things through nearly the entire ceremony. We laughed some more as we converted our auditorium type sanctuary into a reception hall. We laughed while we at. I laughed with a number of other friends while we were there.
Laughter is good medicine. Laughter also says you still have hope in life. If you can be amused by something then you're not too far gone. If you can watch a sitcom and giggle or even just smile if that's where you're at in your journey, then you can be comforted that you still have some hope left in you. I'm not going to lie, there have been a lot of days in my life where the hardness and heaviness far outweigh the laughter. But I am better now than I was a year ago. Watching my friend dance with her dad to a song written by a man who tragically lost a daughter to a wrong place, wrong time accident was tough, it was super hard. Hearing her husband vow to be with her "through every loss" was hard. I thought both times that I might have to simply leave the room and compose myself elsewhere. But both of those instances are bookended with hearty, good, clean laughs. Laughing myself silly gives me hope that the future is brighter than it may seem.
I hear you continuing to grieve your loss while also staying present in the life you are still living. I cannot tell you how much I admire that. And maybe it doesn't feel admirable, but for me, that's been the tricky part of grief. Staying present in the here and the now and allowing myself to laugh, and grieving and feeling the feelings as they come - as you did watching the bride and her father dance.
ReplyDeleteI think it's amazing that you are able to do that. Laugh and cry and just feel it all. It is so good and healthy and healing to do that. I'm still figuring that out.
This post left me with hope that I can press into my own feelings of grief and not forget how to laugh too. Thank you....